The Valentine Experience
Waking up to valentine reminded me just how single I am. Everybody thinks am too hot to be single and usually think am in a relationship. What type of demon is this now? Is it not my singlehood? (well for the time being) If I am taken I would be the first to know.
Anyway I had no plans for valentine and decided to entertain myself on twitter, see a movie and basically glow as much as I can. If boyfriend cannot come, it doesn’t mean my cray fish have kuku bent finish I told myself. My siblings all had their different hangouts and all lobbied me for some money. Since I wasn’t using the money at home, I gave them all the cash I had plus my car key. My village witches started throwing arrows at me.
About two hours or so after they left, my friend called me “Baby girl what’s up, your crush just got to town and is asking hell lose after you, his asking you guys go on a date at takwa bay or a boat cruise”. I didn’t know what hit me the most the date or the boat cruise. Oshey angels from heaven finally visited me although the typical me is having a mental calculation of the crush because my crushes are too numerous. Then she goes Obinna. Say what!! Obinna?
I have been crushing on Obinna with style o doing my not harmful flirting but I concluded his traffic light signal have kuku damaged since he didn’t get the memo. Now his asking after me on a valentine’s day? I was excited then it hit me. Maybe the goat ran out of options and remembered me as a quick damage control mechanism. The boat cruise must have been for somebody he liked on still he discovered he was the side nigga and bae got her own man.
After much flirting with my mind, I jumped at the offer o, girl needs some fun today, my village witches cannot come and win. I took my time to dress up. Simple but very stylish outfit, no heavy makeup since it wasn’t a dinner date before the gods of water will decide to embarrass me. Perfume check, make up check, comfortable shoes check, sexiness check, overall look check check check. Then I was about reaching for my car key when it hit me, oh shit I gave the car out to my sibling. No problem I would use Uber then. Reaching for my other purse to transfer the money, it hit me again that I gave out the entire twelve thousand Naira to my siblings.
Ah this cannot be happening o. Every demon, Holy Ghost fire. I was on my own jeje mourning, well appreciating my singlehood then valentine date came. Now devil wants to ruin it for me? Laiye *hands on head* God forbid.
I started searching for money everywhere in the house thinking of places my siblings would normally drop money. I didn’t find shit. My atm card was in the car so I couldn’t think of trying card trip with Uber. Thank God there was light and the ac was cooling me else I would have sweated my makeup and perfume out.
I went upstairs, checked under the chairs, rooms, cupboards, kitchen, dining, bathrooms, bar, behind the television, inside shoes, inside flower vessels, under the gas cooker, everywhere. My siblings are fond of hiding money in weird places where people wouldn’t look for it, well except you belong to the mad category like us ha-ha. This time I was already getting calls from Obinna and my friend who by the way I kept telling I was on my way. Since it’s the same Island, it wouldn’t normally take time so I could understand why they kept calling.
I went to the parlour and sat down. This is how my village witches have deprived me of celebrating valentine abi? I thought of asking them over to pick me up but it wouldn’t look good as I already told them I was on my way. Even if it was barrow I was inside, I should have been closer to the boat terminal by now.
I was looking around when power went out and very unusual of the Ups, it lost power. Wo that one is not my business, me that is looking for money I concluded. I went to turn off the television from the wall then I noticed the ups machine was kept in a not so exact position. I mean the usual position it’s supposed to be. I didn’t want the trouble of any member of my family so I decided to adjust it. As I was adjusting it with my leg, I saw something like money hidden under the ups. Thinking I was mad, well after all money was doing me. I was compelled to bend then I discovered it was actually money carefully hidden under the ups. My siblings are at it again.
The excited me rushed to count how much. One, two, three, four, five. Five thousand Naira. I was thanking JESUS in heaven for coming to my rescue. I took the money immediately without thinking. I knew it had to be the work of my siblings and since they said they didn’t have money, well me too didn’t see any money.
I ordered my Uber and luckily he was just a minute out or so. I quickly did some adjustment and touches here and there since the stress of looking for money had some effect.
As I went for my date, I was all glowing, feeling beautiful and confident without any clue that I literally had to pass through hell to get money for transport.
P.S. I am amazed at the speed with which I wrote this entry though.
P.S.S. The date was amazing hopefully I will send the entry later, am too tired I want to disappear.
Written by Elizabeth.