My First Bribery Experience Continuation


 For the previous entry of this post, click this link.

 Oh goodness I didn’t bargain for this madness I said to myself. How can we be on our own and trouble decides to skip over 7billion possible target and insist my cousins and I are the best shot for it. Going to a police station is no good news at all because in Nigerian native language (I no follow na N5,000 and since we dey four that one no be over wahala be that) meaning even with your innocence and you not doing anything, N5,000 need to go which is about 16 American dollars.

Now we are four people involved that means N20,000 at the very least and believe me depending on the demon you meet in form of a uniform officer, it can increase as high as over 1200 percent. Clearly that isn’t a risk any of us wanted to take.

We started begging and lobbying the police officers to look upon us with mercy and harden no more their already hardened heart. Let’s be honest these “human beings” were four in number and by implication there’s no way N700 was going to be enough for them by all standards especially given the type of neighborhood we were in. I was tempted to toss my cousin in the air and use him for some soccer practice but I realized that won’t help get rid of the mess we were already in.

Anyway I decided to be reasonable enough, I brought out extra N1,300 to make it a round figure of N2,000. At least each officer could take N500 and be fine. I mean how many times do they exhort N2,000 at a goal I felt. That is good enough an offer I concluded. The boss was unmoved adding that we need to raise the bar significantly. At this point I was done having it. There was no way I was going to add a dime extra for them. I mean these creatures are literally robbing me of money for 20 plastic bottles of Pepsi drinks, or burger or money to buy internet to visit ha-ha.

Prior to this I have never bribed a police officer before and after much back and forth with myself I resorted firmly more than before to leave the bribe at N2,000. They can either take it and have lunch and drink and perhaps some sticks of cigarette to go with it or they can as well leave it for me. Personally I would prefer the latter. At this point I have lost my patience, we all have in respect to my cousins and I.


It seems like these officers were as well losing patience with their master the devil, as one of them became very adamant that they collect the bribe like that and move on. Oh gracious, is like Pope Francis has been praying for me I said inwardly. They eventually collected it and the next thing made it worth it.

These police men turned to our escorts championing the course of our movement to Eko hotel which is the final destination. Although it’s certainly not so far away, our tour made us loose our way and by implication we got lost. It was exquisite. Escort are totally fun I must admit, we continued taking pictures from our convertible with our escort just in front of us making way for us. We felt the eyes of beautiful people all over us. The who are these big fishes in town look.

Our escort took us right in front of Eko hotel and we couldn’t have had a better vip entrance than that. In fact, because of the façade we pulled, I was able to meet a presently serving Minister’s daughter which is a story for another day.

When my cousins and I reflect on this experience whenever we happen to bring it up we conclude that indeed it was a bribe that brought us great tidings.

Written by Christoph for Dami.

Picture of Dami.

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